Monthly Archives: March 2013

How To Love Yourself

Posted in Attitude Development, Personal Development, Spiritual Development by

Smiling woman lying on autumn leaves“There’s an assortment of articles about helping us build healthy relationships with our partners and loved ones. But we don’t hear nearly as much about the most important relationship in our lives: the one with ourselves.”

I’m dedicating this page towards the relationship between you and YOU!  You are the most important relationship   If you’re not happy, and I mean genuinely happy with yourself how can you expect to be with everything else in your life? I can say from personal experience that having a good relationship with yourself gives you the possibility for new insights on life.

There is no reason why you shouldn’t be happy with your life. You are given this one chance on this planet and you have THE RIGHT to be happy. I believe that no one should live with fear, regret, sadness, or loneliness.

You are in control of your own happiness.

Having a good relationship with yourself improves your relationship with others. “Conway compared it to the safety instructions on airplanes: Put on your oxygen mask before putting it on anyone else, even a child.”

What  Does A Healthy Relationship With Yourself Look Like?

Remember to take care of yourself first. Look at yourself and consider yourself everyday.  It means self-respect, self-care and self-love.  Many people choose to not go deeper with their feelings nor their mindset.  It either scares them or they just don’t know how to proceed to figure out what’s missing from their life. What’s missing for them to fulfill this self-love. With readers who are facing not knowing what to do in embracing themselves that’s what this page is for. I have found some ways that have helped me.  To take my previous mindset “From hate and anger” to “Love and respect” I have learned to respect and love myself. It was a hard road but it pays off, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m still in the process for more self searching but readers.. if you take this journey with me you will walk away learning more about yourself and you will have a more open outlook on life.

What I’ve Found From This Process

I admit I’m much happier now. Self-Esteem was my biggest issue. I always felt I was below everyone, that there was this “social norm
” and that I always fell short of everyone’s expectations. I was pretty down on myself.  Then something happened. I had this long talk with my friends about my thought process.  They looked at me in shock and straighten me out. This was the first step towards realizing my true potential  my self worth, I could feel my life coming back to me. I could feel my body embracing “Jessica” I knew it was going to be a long journey towards my happiness. It takes time but I’m finally understanding who Jessica is supposed to be.

I’m finally finding myself.

Ways To Start

When you are saying you’re ready to start loving yourself, you’re ready to start being alive.

Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you YOU! Learn how to nurture yourself everyday. All those quirks that some people may put down. LOVE THEM. Love yourself for all the good you do, accept your “flaws” and that fact that you are imperfect. Here’s some news. Nobody is perfect. Look in the mirror and take a good look at yourself. There is only ONE person in the person in the world like you, you are here for a reason, never for a second think you are anything less.

Eliminate Self Criticism. We’ve all been there. “I could be skinnier , “I could be prettier”, “I could be smarter” etc.. It’s that little voice inside your head. That can be your best friend or worst enemy. If you find that you often judge yourself, make an effort to stop. You are you own worst critic.

Be Kind. Ever realize when someone compliments you your day just gets 100 times better? Who says you have to wait for someone? Compliment yourself! Now I’m not saying “Be narcissistic” Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if it feels like you failed.

Acknowledge Your Effort. It’s not always about winning or being the best at everything. It is the effort that counts! Remind yourself that you are continuing to do you best. If it seems to comes easy for others remember everyone has their strengths. No one got anywhere with hard work and practice.

Don’t Worry So Much! Seriously, don’t worry so much. There are some things in this life that we just don’t have control over. Let go of your worry. It’s a horrible way to live. To be in constant worry.. I admit I did that. I felt like I was drowning! So instead about spending time worrying, think about what can you do to help the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a wish, throw a penny in a fountain about what you want then move on. Next step is to surrender and see what happens. You can only do so much.

Trust Yourself.  Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make changes in the world. You have the ability to do anything.

Forgive Yourself. If you had made mistakes in the past that caused you to feel less worthy, forgive yourself. Like a 12-step program  You need to forgive the past and move on towards the future. If you are fixated on the past you’ll never move forward.

Grow Spiritually. When you take the time to self-reflect loving yourself follows automatically. You become peaceful. You feel connected. You could draw, meditate, go for walks, listen to music. Do whatever makes you feel most at peace. Everyone has their alone time. What is that? Run with that!

Have Fun! Put some fun in your life! I know work, school, kids, family come with this whole life thing. Like you make time for others make time for yourself. What makes you happy? Is it singing, is it reading? Traveling? Go fishing? Don’t take yourself so seriously. Relax and quit worrying over things that don’t matter.

There’s Beauty Everywhere. I love when I go running, I tend to notice the little things when I do. That’s why running is my alone time. When you learnt hat there is beauty everywhere life will automatically seem better. Lately we’ve been surrounded by hatred, shootings  all the bad in the world. That’s what everyone seem to be focusing on. Notice that spring is here. (Even if it STILL snowing!) Flowers will be blooming, baby ducks are being born, notice how green the grass is. There’s life everywhere and it isn’t stopping. So why should you?

If this helps please comment below. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts. Let’s take this journey together.

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Why I am Dedicating My Blog Towards Relationships

Posted in Attitude Development, Interpersonal Development, Miscellaneous, Personal Development, Spiritual Development by

relationship-advice I have decided to make “Jessa’s Secret Journal” a blog specifically towards relationships advice.  Since starting this blog last month I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to dedicate my whole page to. I am interested in so many things; I believe I’m not alone here.  Trying to pick ONE thing to write about was extremely difficult for me.  I love fitness, fitness has played a huge part in my life, it brought a certain change to me.  I gained confidence from it, I found a new version of myself that I hadn’t known to exist.  Though I will still write about some fitness tips and fitness “how to‘s” I will make “Relationships” the main focus.  I am a people person and though fitness has let me help many people with trying to get fit I am attracted to the idea of helping people with a topic that hits a little close to home.  Love.

I’m sure there are a lot of relationships blogs out there but I believe mine will be extremely successful  Why do you ask?  In my spare time I love to think.  I love thinking and imagine about other people’s lives.  How they go from day to day dealing with the same things as me OR EVEN MORE! I’ve always had a fascination to put myself in others people’s shoes.  Imagine everything from their perspective, what they’ve gone through, even putting myself into their mentality.

I’ve be told I am very good at it and I want to put my skills to the test. Relationships are hard, they can get confusing because we only know one side of the story, we only know what one person is thinking about the given situation.  For some people putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is difficult, and though they can only go so far as their imagination can take them some may just not know how to go about it.  Sometimes all you need is a third party! So if you have been telling your friends about the same guy/girl for the past 5 years and they are sick of hearing about them, tell me.  I’ll be that third party.

Everyone wants to find love and wants to be loved.  Feeling important to someone, having that feeling of being truly loved and truly cared for is something we all crave, though we might not want to admit it.  People might not know how to get there, how to begin the process of finding true love.  I’ve always found (from personal experience) that jumping is the hardest part of the relationship, it’s like looking over a cliff and you’re hesitant to fall because the other person may not catch you.  That safety net is right here.   Ask me anything, tell me anything, I will listen and I will post regular articles and posts about my experiences and things I’ve found to be useful when it comes to finding “Mr. or Mrs. Right“

I’m excited about this new journey that I’m taking, I never thought I would have the courage to start a blog, but I did.  I never thought I would find something that I am passionate about, something that I felt that I was good at.  Something where I was able to help people, to genuinely help people.  This is just the beginning and I’m excited to have this journey with my readers and fellow bloggers.  I’m open to any advice anyone has for me! Please comment below and share your thoughts :]

Love,

Jessa Morena

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Are They The One? Or Are They Just A Time Filler?

Posted in Interpersonal Development by

realistic

Jessica Moreno

When in a relationship you think about the future.  It’s inevitable.  Planning on going on a date next week?  How about going to his friend’s wedding 2 months from now?  How about that concert to see your favorite band?  Those all are short-term dates that you expect your lover to be apart of once you start dating.

I can’t speak for everyone else but when I go into a relationship I can almost predict down to the date how long the guy will be in my life.  I’ve met some men who I knew I would only talk to for a month, others a couple of months.  There have been two men in my life where I saw the relationship going somewhere.  I saw one around for 2 years max.  The other one I saw white picket fences with, a big yard, kids, the big picture.  This had me wondering… Even though I only saw a future with ONE guy, why did I continue to date the others KNOWING that they would play a small role in my life?  Was it because I was lonely and wanted the company?  Maybe I continued to date them because of the experience.  I don’t know but it made me want to ask my readers the same question.  Do you believe they are the one? Or are you just having them around as a time filler?

Despite the relationships that didn’t work out, I’m glad that I did continue to date them.  The men in my life were an experience.  As many things are, I am grateful for what I learned while being in these relationships.  I learned to have strength, there was heartache, there were happy and sad moments.  Most of all, the biggest lesson that I learned was being able to be fearless and put myself out there.  Accepting someone for who they are and caring about someone who truly accepted me for who I was.  That was the biggest risk of all, and even though it didn’t work out, I am a better woman because of it.

So let me ask you..

When in a relationship do you believe that they’re the one OR Do you already know that they will just be a time filler?

Leave your comments below. I’m interested in hearing what you have to say!

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Master The Secrets Of Love

Posted in Interpersonal Development by

36_1277439711_relationship

Jessica Moreno

  I’ve meant to dedicate a page about this for a while now, I decided that this was the best time.  This weekend was a very interesting weekend for me.  I had multiple conversation with some of my very close girl friends about their relationships and about what they‘ve been going through.  Some I can see that it’s time for them to call it quits, others I feel that their relationship can work through this problem, while others I think it’s just too early for them to be talking about certain things.  Now this got me thinking… While all of my friends situations are different they are all the same in a way.  The thought process of my friends seems skewed to me.  I feel that while in any situation your vision and thoughts will be skewed.  Which is why we seek help from other people.  This is why we pay the big bucks to therapists  counselors etc.. they can see what we can’t see.

I thought about love and relationships, what does it REALLY take to be in a relationship? Realistically what can you expect when being in a serious relationship? What can you expect to give in one? Movies give you the surface part of a relationship.  They show you in 2 1/2 hours what should take months AND years to work on!  Having said that I wanted to bring something honest to my page.  Something from personal experience and after tons of heartache what I have come to find.  How to develop a realistic view on love.

Young couple sitting on opposite ends of the sofa Expecting Your Partner To Know Your Feelings and Needs

We develop this kind of expectation as kids, our parents, grandparents etc knew when we were hungry, upset, needed to be taken care of.  Growing into adulthood we expect that when a person cares about us that they know what we want and they know what we’re feeling.  You’re setting up your partner for failure when you have this mindset.  Truth is he doesn’t what you’re thinking as much as you know what you dog is thinking.  Men and women speak a completely different language!  Guys are simple creatures, they think logical, they will say what’s on their mind.  With women’s thinking, they think with feelings and view every detail.  Women assume that men think like them, and expect them to have them see why they feel the way they feel.  Men assume that women will be the same, thinking as simply as them.  We’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs.  Once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

26-stressrelationship

 Fights Ruin Relationships

Unless you cheat or kill your partners mother, I believe fights could resolved.  In fact fights are healthy in a relationship. Let’s face it.. you don’t expect to go into a relationship knowing everything about that person, you will not know down to the littlest detail of things that bother them.  In actually, what truly ruins relationships is when you DON’T resolve your fights.  Fighting could really healthy, and an important form of communication of clearing the air.

Going back to an earlier statement unless you cheat, kill someone, or anything extreme, I believe it could be resolved.  The type of fight a couple has plays a big role.  There will be times where you have nasty, hurtful fights leaving this situation unresolved.  Leaving each other not talking for days.  Make the effort to communicate with your partner to resolve the true issue,  when working it out it will leave your relationship stronger.

Changing Your Partner

When a situation comes up it’s easy for everyone to put blame on others.  It takes two to Tango sweethearts.   Instead of focusing what you could change about your partner what could you improve about yourself?  I’m not stating that there’s anything wrong with you but there is always room for improvement for everyone.

Now there are extreme situations where they just need Jesus, leave it be and move on.  Be smart enough to know where there’s change to be made and where change is needed.

This may sound simple and obvious but 100% of couples always point the finger first.

Acting Upon How You Feel (To An Extent)

We all have been around those couples who constantly fight, they lack a filter and they say what is on their mind not caring if it hurts the other person.  They air out their dirty laundry for all the world to see without care.  It’s quite annoying.  These people say too much, however there are the ones that don’t say enough and that’s no good either.  The key is to find the balance between the two.  To say what you feel but within reason of the situation.

Finding the balance and choosing when to say something is more important in my book.  There will be moments where you’ll question whether you’re with the right person, it may take days, weeks, or even months.  As long as you say what you feel and communicate properly, other will understand what you mean.  Proper communication is the key people!

Valentines-DayRealistic Views Of Love

Okay, I know how every time we read a Nicholas Sparks novel or see a movie that had Rachel McAdams we fall to our knees.  This is not a realistic view on love.  Despite what movies have taught us we will NOT: Have a guy lift a radio over his head outside our house, ride down the street in a lawnmower living happily ever after, have our man choreograph a whole dance in pursuit of him showing his love for us, and the last one; my favorite, do not become a prostitute expecting a rich man to love you and take you away from everything.  These however make good stories but that’s just it, they’re just stories.  I could paint you this pretty picture for you thinking that you need to act madly in love at every moment.  Truth is, you don’t.  This advice may be reached out to the newbies of the relationship world.

Expect To Work Hard

There’s this fantasy that when we’re with the perfect person it’ll be easy and we won’t have to work hard. Relationships are not easy.  You should expect to work hard.  Something’s in our life will not fall into place as we might like it.  The dream that we are with and ideal individual  our connection will be simple, and that everything in our lives will fall into place.  Like everything else in life it will take work.  It will be hard, sometimes you might cry, be angry or love each other deeply.  As long as you’re still feel something about the relationship, work towards it.  Work for it.

Jealousy Means You Care

Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship.  I have a friend who’s boyfriend is so jealous that he thought that I was trying to take her away from him… Please -_- I’ve seen this happen so many times.  Where one of the partners feel that if they stop doing what is making their partners jealous, then they’ll be happy.  Then after completely changing themselves they can see that no matter what  they do, it does not change their partners behavior.

While you can support them, there’s only so much you can do to make a partner feel secure, the rest is up to them.

Another issue is trying to make your partner jealous is stupid and can backfire, BADLY.  While men and women are likely to experience jealously naturally, their reactions differ.  Women respond trying to prove the situation, relationship, or themselves.  On the other hand, men get defensive or angry, believing that the relationship is not worth it.

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