I’ve meant to dedicate a page about this for a while now, I decided that this was the best time. This weekend was a very interesting weekend for me. I had multiple conversation with some of my very close girl friends about their relationships and about what they‘ve been going through. Some I can see that it’s time for them to call it quits, others I feel that their relationship can work through this problem, while others I think it’s just too early for them to be talking about certain things. Now this got me thinking… While all of my friends situations are different they are all the same in a way. The thought process of my friends seems skewed to me. I feel that while in any situation your vision and thoughts will be skewed. Which is why we seek help from other people. This is why we pay the big bucks to therapists counselors etc.. they can see what we can’t see.
I thought about love and relationships, what does it REALLY take to be in a relationship? Realistically what can you expect when being in a serious relationship? What can you expect to give in one? Movies give you the surface part of a relationship. They show you in 2 1/2 hours what should take months AND years to work on! Having said that I wanted to bring something honest to my page. Something from personal experience and after tons of heartache what I have come to find. How to develop a realistic view on love.
We develop this kind of expectation as kids, our parents, grandparents etc knew when we were hungry, upset, needed to be taken care of. Growing into adulthood we expect that when a person cares about us that they know what we want and they know what we’re feeling. You’re setting up your partner for failure when you have this mindset. Truth is he doesn’t what you’re thinking as much as you know what you dog is thinking. Men and women speak a completely different language! Guys are simple creatures, they think logical, they will say what’s on their mind. With women’s thinking, they think with feelings and view every detail. Women assume that men think like them, and expect them to have them see why they feel the way they feel. Men assume that women will be the same, thinking as simply as them. We’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs. Once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.
Fights Ruin Relationships
Unless you cheat or kill your partners mother, I believe fights could resolved. In fact fights are healthy in a relationship. Let’s face it.. you don’t expect to go into a relationship knowing everything about that person, you will not know down to the littlest detail of things that bother them. In actually, what truly ruins relationships is when you DON’T resolve your fights. Fighting could really healthy, and an important form of communication of clearing the air.
Going back to an earlier statement unless you cheat, kill someone, or anything extreme, I believe it could be resolved. The type of fight a couple has plays a big role. There will be times where you have nasty, hurtful fights leaving this situation unresolved. Leaving each other not talking for days. Make the effort to communicate with your partner to resolve the true issue, when working it out it will leave your relationship stronger.
Changing Your Partner
When a situation comes up it’s easy for everyone to put blame on others. It takes two to Tango sweethearts. Instead of focusing what you could change about your partner what could you improve about yourself? I’m not stating that there’s anything wrong with you but there is always room for improvement for everyone.
Now there are extreme situations where they just need Jesus, leave it be and move on. Be smart enough to know where there’s change to be made and where change is needed.
This may sound simple and obvious but 100% of couples always point the finger first.
Acting Upon How You Feel (To An Extent)
We all have been around those couples who constantly fight, they lack a filter and they say what is on their mind not caring if it hurts the other person. They air out their dirty laundry for all the world to see without care. It’s quite annoying. These people say too much, however there are the ones that don’t say enough and that’s no good either. The key is to find the balance between the two. To say what you feel but within reason of the situation.
Finding the balance and choosing when to say something is more important in my book. There will be moments where you’ll question whether you’re with the right person, it may take days, weeks, or even months. As long as you say what you feel and communicate properly, other will understand what you mean. Proper communication is the key people!
Okay, I know how every time we read a Nicholas Sparks novel or see a movie that had Rachel McAdams we fall to our knees. This is not a realistic view on love. Despite what movies have taught us we will NOT: Have a guy lift a radio over his head outside our house, ride down the street in a lawnmower living happily ever after, have our man choreograph a whole dance in pursuit of him showing his love for us, and the last one; my favorite, do not become a prostitute expecting a rich man to love you and take you away from everything. These however make good stories but that’s just it, they’re just stories. I could paint you this pretty picture for you thinking that you need to act madly in love at every moment. Truth is, you don’t. This advice may be reached out to the newbies of the relationship world.
Expect To Work Hard
There’s this fantasy that when we’re with the perfect person it’ll be easy and we won’t have to work hard. Relationships are not easy. You should expect to work hard. Something’s in our life will not fall into place as we might like it. The dream that we are with and ideal individual our connection will be simple, and that everything in our lives will fall into place. Like everything else in life it will take work. It will be hard, sometimes you might cry, be angry or love each other deeply. As long as you’re still feel something about the relationship, work towards it. Work for it.
Jealousy Means You Care
Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship. I have a friend who’s boyfriend is so jealous that he thought that I was trying to take her away from him… Please -_- I’ve seen this happen so many times. Where one of the partners feel that if they stop doing what is making their partners jealous, then they’ll be happy. Then after completely changing themselves they can see that no matter what they do, it does not change their partners behavior.
While you can support them, there’s only so much you can do to make a partner feel secure, the rest is up to them.
Another issue is trying to make your partner jealous is stupid and can backfire, BADLY. While men and women are likely to experience jealously naturally, their reactions differ. Women respond trying to prove the situation, relationship, or themselves. On the other hand, men get defensive or angry, believing that the relationship is not worth it.
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- Healthy and Positive Relationships (changeyourthoughtsandchangeyourlife.wordpress.com)
- Create and Maintain a Healthy Relationship that Lasts (prweb.com)
- 10 Practical Pointers for Improving Any Relationship (psychcentral.com)