“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. “
Thomas Jefferson
Mentality is everything.
Tag Archives: mental health
Validation
People are persistent in seeking approval. Whether it’s about who they are, a decision their making, their behavior, or a situation, people feel that they can’t be unbiased about things. That they couldn’t have viewed the situation clearly because they might be influenced by personal feelings – which of course you’re going to be to a certain degree – so they seek answers from others. You seeking validation from others seems like a good idea, however, by doing this you are creating this blind and dangerous mentality that others are ‘correct’.
One of the biggest contributors to our self-worth is validation. It is very emotionally reassuring to experience the approval of others. Reason for this is because they can offer this external validation for our positive feelings about ourselves. Sometimes it can be a good thing, it becomes an emotional high but if we don’t get our daily dose we suffer. Don’t rely on this too much. Our primary source of approval needs to be internal and not external.
‘If we remain dependent on external factors to feel approval, then we will always be emotionally vulnerable. Our self-esteem would be in the hands of things that we have very little control over. This kind of situation fosters a needy, helpless, dependent mindset.
Our primary source of approval needs to be internal and not external. We need to approve of ourselves to feel true inner peace and security. That internal sense of approval needs to develop until it is no longer vulnerable to the shifting tide of external validation. Self-esteem comes from how we feel about ourselves!’
How self-approval works.
You’ve got to stop believing that everyone else is right, that they have some greater knowledge that you apparently missed out on! That they have this step-by-step book on how your life will play out. In all honesty no one knows you better than you know yourself. You need to start trusting yourself and your opinions. Now I’m not saying that you should stop asking people for advice – that would be ludicrous – and because you probably wouldn’t do it. What I’m saying is take your advice first. Listen to your heart. You don’t know who has your best interest at heart. You are in need of a change, and that change is for you to have a healthy belief in yourself.
It’s easy to confide in a friend, partner, or shrink about problems that you’re going through. It makes us feel good sharing our situations because you feel that the weight has been lifted off your shoulders. There is a fault here – just like in any other plan – you’re assigning value to their advice because you love them. They could have what you want (career, business, relationship etc.) so it would be easy for you to confirm their opinion. It’s one thing if you ask someone who you trust (and they’ve earned it) to give you their fair opinion and they follow through with it to your internal needs. However only YOU know what’s right for you.
Now let me ask you.. Do you feel worthy of your opinions? Do you feel that you can only go further in life if the advice is from someone else?
There is a common thread that we all share. That is a sense of worthiness. People feel that they are not meant to live the life that they were created. Some feel that the only way to get where they want is by following/taking opinion of others. This is what you can get from another person: an opinion on a movie, a hug, a ride home, and even their opinion on what songs you might like.. but not an opinion on your life!
You deserve to be happy and the first step towards that is by trusting yourself and your opinions. People unintentionally block their own happiness. There is a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy, and feeling worthy of being happy. If you don’t feel that you are good enough to accept the things coming your way then you will never reach that true happiness. Right now you might not be able to see it, to accept it, or to even believe it; you are here for a reason. You being alive is all the validation that you need. You being here is your birth right to be happy. Everybody is here for a reason. I hold that saying close to my heart. Hold it close to yours and recognize you’re meant to do great things.
Below is a video that I enjoyed about ‘Validation’ Enjoy and comment below!
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Master The Secrets Of Love
Jessica Moreno
I’ve meant to dedicate a page about this for a while now, I decided that this was the best time. This weekend was a very interesting weekend for me. I had multiple conversation with some of my very close girl friends about their relationships and about what they‘ve been going through. Some I can see that it’s time for them to call it quits, others I feel that their relationship can work through this problem, while others I think it’s just too early for them to be talking about certain things. Now this got me thinking… While all of my friends situations are different they are all the same in a way. The thought process of my friends seems skewed to me. I feel that while in any situation your vision and thoughts will be skewed. Which is why we seek help from other people. This is why we pay the big bucks to therapists counselors etc.. they can see what we can’t see.
I thought about love and relationships, what does it REALLY take to be in a relationship? Realistically what can you expect when being in a serious relationship? What can you expect to give in one? Movies give you the surface part of a relationship. They show you in 2 1/2 hours what should take months AND years to work on! Having said that I wanted to bring something honest to my page. Something from personal experience and after tons of heartache what I have come to find. How to develop a realistic view on love.
Expecting Your Partner To Know Your Feelings and Needs
We develop this kind of expectation as kids, our parents, grandparents etc knew when we were hungry, upset, needed to be taken care of. Growing into adulthood we expect that when a person cares about us that they know what we want and they know what we’re feeling. You’re setting up your partner for failure when you have this mindset. Truth is he doesn’t what you’re thinking as much as you know what you dog is thinking. Men and women speak a completely different language! Guys are simple creatures, they think logical, they will say what’s on their mind. With women’s thinking, they think with feelings and view every detail. Women assume that men think like them, and expect them to have them see why they feel the way they feel. Men assume that women will be the same, thinking as simply as them. We’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs. Once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.
Fights Ruin Relationships
Unless you cheat or kill your partners mother, I believe fights could resolved. In fact fights are healthy in a relationship. Let’s face it.. you don’t expect to go into a relationship knowing everything about that person, you will not know down to the littlest detail of things that bother them. In actually, what truly ruins relationships is when you DON’T resolve your fights. Fighting could really healthy, and an important form of communication of clearing the air.
Going back to an earlier statement unless you cheat, kill someone, or anything extreme, I believe it could be resolved. The type of fight a couple has plays a big role. There will be times where you have nasty, hurtful fights leaving this situation unresolved. Leaving each other not talking for days. Make the effort to communicate with your partner to resolve the true issue, when working it out it will leave your relationship stronger.
Changing Your Partner
When a situation comes up it’s easy for everyone to put blame on others. It takes two to Tango sweethearts. Instead of focusing what you could change about your partner what could you improve about yourself? I’m not stating that there’s anything wrong with you but there is always room for improvement for everyone.
Now there are extreme situations where they just need Jesus, leave it be and move on. Be smart enough to know where there’s change to be made and where change is needed.
This may sound simple and obvious but 100% of couples always point the finger first.
Acting Upon How You Feel (To An Extent)
We all have been around those couples who constantly fight, they lack a filter and they say what is on their mind not caring if it hurts the other person. They air out their dirty laundry for all the world to see without care. It’s quite annoying. These people say too much, however there are the ones that don’t say enough and that’s no good either. The key is to find the balance between the two. To say what you feel but within reason of the situation.
Finding the balance and choosing when to say something is more important in my book. There will be moments where you’ll question whether you’re with the right person, it may take days, weeks, or even months. As long as you say what you feel and communicate properly, other will understand what you mean. Proper communication is the key people!
Realistic Views Of Love
Okay, I know how every time we read a Nicholas Sparks novel or see a movie that had Rachel McAdams we fall to our knees. This is not a realistic view on love. Despite what movies have taught us we will NOT: Have a guy lift a radio over his head outside our house, ride down the street in a lawnmower living happily ever after, have our man choreograph a whole dance in pursuit of him showing his love for us, and the last one; my favorite, do not become a prostitute expecting a rich man to love you and take you away from everything. These however make good stories but that’s just it, they’re just stories. I could paint you this pretty picture for you thinking that you need to act madly in love at every moment. Truth is, you don’t. This advice may be reached out to the newbies of the relationship world.
Expect To Work Hard
There’s this fantasy that when we’re with the perfect person it’ll be easy and we won’t have to work hard. Relationships are not easy. You should expect to work hard. Something’s in our life will not fall into place as we might like it. The dream that we are with and ideal individual our connection will be simple, and that everything in our lives will fall into place. Like everything else in life it will take work. It will be hard, sometimes you might cry, be angry or love each other deeply. As long as you’re still feel something about the relationship, work towards it. Work for it.
Jealousy Means You Care
Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship. I have a friend who’s boyfriend is so jealous that he thought that I was trying to take her away from him… Please -_- I’ve seen this happen so many times. Where one of the partners feel that if they stop doing what is making their partners jealous, then they’ll be happy. Then after completely changing themselves they can see that no matter what they do, it does not change their partners behavior.
While you can support them, there’s only so much you can do to make a partner feel secure, the rest is up to them.
Another issue is trying to make your partner jealous is stupid and can backfire, BADLY. While men and women are likely to experience jealously naturally, their reactions differ. Women respond trying to prove the situation, relationship, or themselves. On the other hand, men get defensive or angry, believing that the relationship is not worth it.
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Did It Happen For A Reason? Or Did It Just Happen?
Does It?
Written by Jessica Moreno
Do you ever find yourself saying that “Everything happens for a reason” or “This is God‘s plan?” People go through situations in life, whether it be breaking up with your boyfriend, meeting someone, being in a car accident or losing a loved one. It makes me wonder… Did it really happen for a reason? Or did it just happen?
When people experience a difficult situation, they want to believe that the reason they’re going through such a difficult time, is because there is a greater plan, God’s plan to be exact. Both sayings are just that.. they’re just sayings. Things people say to cope. ”There is no valid evidence that God exists, we have no way of knowing what it is he (or she) wanted to happen, other than that it actually happened” psychologytoday.com Did God really want thousands to die in Katrina? Did God really find it necessary to have someone shoot 20 kids and teachers while attending school? What about kids growing up without parents? People being born paralyzed?
People created these sayings because, when we come across a situation that we find difficult to understand, we need to find a way to for us to feel better. By saying “It happened for a reason” or that “This is God’s Plan” we are relinquishing our human rights. We are separating ourselves from the situation at hand, taking the blame off of us. No one wants to be held accountable for a tragedy.
People die everyday, we all know this, we learn this at a very young age. People are born, people live and people die. This is the basic outline of life, what happens from point A to point B.. it just happens. We could believe that there is a grand plan, that no matter how many times we change our mind about something, that it was already destined to happen. That when tragedy strikes there is a lesson to be learned. It’s amazing actually, to take a situation and (depending on the person’s personal situation) you could believe towards the light or the darkness.
These are moments that are happening because they just happen, like a game, either you win or lose. It’s like the fortune cookies we read after eating Chinese food, or reading our horoscopes in the daily newspaper. You take the situation and you turn it into a negative or positive aspect. You apply it to your life, that way it’s easier for you to move forward.
There is no shame in wanting to move forward after something bad happens, it’s a good thing. We are giving ourselves the okay to be okay. Having these saying can give people new perspectives, a chance to be more intimate in relationships, to overcome personal challenges. If something good happens, you can take it as a sign that you’re on the right track. That someone, somewhere is looking out for you, watching you. That there is a greater power who is looking out for your best interests. Is that such a bad thing? To give ourselves potentially false hope? I believe not, in fact I like this placebo effect. I believe that all anyone wants is the security in knowing that they are loved, that they are cared for, that they are something and that they’re worth something.
Nothing’s wrong with that, it might just make you feel better. So next time something happens in life… whether it being good or bad… Did it happen for a reason? Or did it just happen?
You decide.
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Life is (Photo credit: nyoin)
Life (Photo credit: bitzcelt)
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