People are persistent in seeking approval. Whether it’s about who they are, a decision their making, their behavior, or a situation, people feel that they can’t be unbiased about things. That they couldn’t have viewed the situation clearly because they might be influenced by personal feelings – which of course you’re going to be to a certain degree – so they seek answers from others. You seeking validation from others seems like a good idea, however, by doing this you are creating this blind and dangerous mentality that others are ‘correct’.
One of the biggest contributors to our self-worth is validation. It is very emotionally reassuring to experience the approval of others. Reason for this is because they can offer this external validation for our positive feelings about ourselves. Sometimes it can be a good thing, it becomes an emotional high but if we don’t get our daily dose we suffer. Don’t rely on this too much. Our primary source of approval needs to be internal and not external.
‘If we remain dependent on external factors to feel approval, then we will always be emotionally vulnerable. Our self-esteem would be in the hands of things that we have very little control over. This kind of situation fosters a needy, helpless, dependent mindset.
Our primary source of approval needs to be internal and not external. We need to approve of ourselves to feel true inner peace and security. That internal sense of approval needs to develop until it is no longer vulnerable to the shifting tide of external validation. Self-esteem comes from how we feel about ourselves!’
How self-approval works.
You’ve got to stop believing that everyone else is right, that they have some greater knowledge that you apparently missed out on! That they have this step-by-step book on how your life will play out. In all honesty no one knows you better than you know yourself. You need to start trusting yourself and your opinions. Now I’m not saying that you should stop asking people for advice – that would be ludicrous – and because you probably wouldn’t do it. What I’m saying is take your advice first. Listen to your heart. You don’t know who has your best interest at heart. You are in need of a change, and that change is for you to have a healthy belief in yourself.
It’s easy to confide in a friend, partner, or shrink about problems that you’re going through. It makes us feel good sharing our situations because you feel that the weight has been lifted off your shoulders. There is a fault here – just like in any other plan – you’re assigning value to their advice because you love them. They could have what you want (career, business, relationship etc.) so it would be easy for you to confirm their opinion. It’s one thing if you ask someone who you trust (and they’ve earned it) to give you their fair opinion and they follow through with it to your internal needs. However only YOU know what’s right for you.
Now let me ask you.. Do you feel worthy of your opinions? Do you feel that you can only go further in life if the advice is from someone else?
There is a common thread that we all share. That is a sense of worthiness. People feel that they are not meant to live the life that they were created. Some feel that the only way to get where they want is by following/taking opinion of others. This is what you can get from another person: an opinion on a movie, a hug, a ride home, and even their opinion on what songs you might like.. but not an opinion on your life!
You deserve to be happy and the first step towards that is by trusting yourself and your opinions. People unintentionally block their own happiness. There is a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy, and feeling worthy of being happy. If you don’t feel that you are good enough to accept the things coming your way then you will never reach that true happiness. Right now you might not be able to see it, to accept it, or to even believe it; you are here for a reason. You being alive is all the validation that you need. You being here is your birth right to be happy. Everybody is here for a reason. I hold that saying close to my heart. Hold it close to yours and recognize you’re meant to do great things.
Below is a video that I enjoyed about ‘Validation’ Enjoy and comment below!
- Validation (teresajackson24.wordpress.com)
- How Self Respect Affects You and Your Relationship (info4view.wordpress.com)
- Validation (mirrorgirlblog.com)